


And that's when the Girl Scouts turned up

by Supertights



Category: New Warriors
Genre: Fluff and Crack, Gen, Team as Family, Yuletide Treat
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-12-20
Updated: 2014-12-20
Packaged: 2018-03-02 05:07:52
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,896
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2800664
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Supertights/pseuds/Supertights
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>A week in the life of the all-new New Warriors. Snapshots of drama, slices of their lives, full of marvel and mystery.</p>
            </blockquote>





	And that's when the Girl Scouts turned up

**Author's Note:**

  * For [octopedingenue](https://archiveofourown.org/users/octopedingenue/gifts).



> Thanks to my super beta, lanalucy.

The first time Vance called the team together to actually attempt to train, it was a disaster. Not because they didn't turn up-- they did, even Kaine eventually, eating a slice of cold pizza. It wasn't because they didn't want to train; they’d all agreed it was a necessity after Vance had almost single-handedly saved them from Wyndham’s death ray.

The problem was the crack team of AIM commandos that turned up and tried to invade the mountain during the training session and found themselves in a perfect storm of enthusiastic new superheroes. The phrase crack team of AIM commandos was not much to speak of any more though so it didn't take much effort to defeat them.

“I think we should put the fear of God into these guys,” grunted Kaine, hanging from the ceiling; he’d webbed the heck out the yellow-suited science soldiers. “They’re still taking scientific readings.”

“Yes,” agreed Vance, he turned to the young demi-god. “Hummingbird, something they’ll regret permanently please.”

“Fear!” intoned Hummingbird, raising her hands dramatically, putting the whammy on the commandos, who gave a collective gasp. “You now fear _all_ dairy related products!”

"Not what I had in mind," sighed Vance.

“No! Not dairy!” screamed one of the commandos hysterically. “I can’t live without my chunky monkey.” He jumped up and ran toward the large picture window, looking a lot like like human fairy floss with feet. The window held, to his great shame; it was unbreakable to anything less than a Thunder God or Hulk level attack. The webbing stuck tight to the glass.

“Hah! Good one,” said Kaine, webbing the hapless minion a bit more. “Like a bug on a windshield.”

~

The second time Vance called the team together, Selah and Mark were on a date. They had dressed nicely, no spandex in sight, and were eating at a small Korean family restaurant Mark’s family ordered take out from sometimes.

Selah glanced at her phone when it buzzed. “Son of a--” she bit off the rest of the sentence as other customers glanced up from their own meals to look at her. “I should have listened when you said to turn our phones off.”

“Their timing is pretty amazing,” said Mark giving her a rare smile, ignoring his own phone vibrating noisily on the table. “What’s going on?”

“Faira might have called up a kraken on a dare from Hummingbird or it might be coincidence,” she replied grimly. “The team needs a little help getting it to return to the deeps.”

“There’s no way I'm giving up perfect Nakji Bokkeum for that,” grumbled Mark, shoving another mouthful in and chewing with purpose. “I'm eating dinner first.”

“Wait. Okay, not a Kraken. It’s a gigantic albino whale with tentacles. Do they mean barnacles? Whales have barnacles not tentacles. It can wait. How much damage can a giant white whale with barnacle tentacles do?”

The floor thundered under their feet. “I'm sure it’s unrelated,” said Selah, eyes wide.

Robbie snapchatted a video of a giant white tentacle waving around wildly, holding Kaine tightly its grip. “To go!” shouted Mark to the service staff, shoving another mouthful of food in.

~

A USB flash drive lay abandoned beside the keyboard controlling the largest of the view screens in the war room. Tiny writing on the plastic case warned, “Don’t Touch!” in Robbie’s chickenscratch handwriting.

“Aw yeah, Robbie remembered,” said Sam, looking for a port to plug it into. A familiar wheel blinked up on the vast screen and cycled as the data began to load. A status bar showed it loading swiftly.

Jake Waffles looked over at Sam. The dog man was putting yellow sticky notes on all the controls, each note a detailed description of purpose for every button, switch, or toggle. “I believe Robert asked no one to touch that, Samuel.”

“It’s just a game he said he’d get me,” said Sam, watching the screen. It was almost finished. The last few seconds always took so long.

“I put it down in here somewhere. Angel got it off Beast; he was happy to oblige but mentioned coming by sometime to look through the High Evolutionary’s labs as a favor in return,” said Robbie as he and Vance walked into the war room together. “Angel asked me to ask you if you wanted to catch up sometime and have a drink.”

Vance replied, “I'm just as sure she didn't. Where’s the flash drive?”

Sam looked up, spinning on his seat. “I already loaded it. Beast plays Galaga too?” Sam grinned at them. “Sweet! Always better on a big screen.” The wheel stopped moving and a fresh message appeared.

_Danger room exercise beginning in 3…_

“Sam, didn't your mother ever teach you not to play with other people’s toys!” wailed Robbie as the war room came alive and murderous.

~

“The ground is lava!” screamed Aracely, running into the room, her cape on fire. She pulled it off and stamped on it. “My cape is ruined!”

Kaine and Faira sprinted in behind her. “Literally lava! It’s everywhere! Shut the damn door!” bellowed Kaine. “What kind of f#$&ed up mountain is this?”

Jake Waffles looked at the display screen, a frown creasing his furry forehead. “Oh, I thought I’d disabled the rodent purge--no, it appears I disabled the exit pipe so the lava purge is trying to escape through every other orifice available.”

“Can you not say orifice again, ever?” said Robbie, pressing the intercom button. “Selah, Mark, and Sam to the war room please!”

A horde of rats overran the room, followed closely by Selah and Mark. Sam rocketed through the doorway with a scream of “Lava!” microseconds before it closed with a heavy thud.

“I will just reroute the lava back into the exit pipe,” said Jake Waffles, calmly. “In my defense, Mr. Whiskers usually took responsibility for the rodents.” He sniffed sadly. “I miss Mr. Whiskers.”

The room began to grow unbearably hot. Vance wiped his face with the edge of his cape. “While we appreciate and grieve with you, is there any chance you could do everything a little quicker, Jake?” he asked, his voice pitching higher than he would've preferred under the circumstances.

“Done. I will now duct water through the mountain to douse any residual fires.” Jake pressed a series of multicolored buttons.

“Wait, is that a good idea? Hot then cold is--” Vance was interrupted as the door, weakened by the lava, collapsed under an enormous wave of water, swirling around the room and picking up every rat and superhero in it, washing them down many hallways and out of a secondary pipe onto the side of the mountain. There they slipped down an enormous mudslide to rest in a shallow mud pool at the base.

“So Jake, you’ll disable that permanently next time, right?” asked Vance, lying in pool of mud.

“Mud angels!” sang Aracely, flailing her arms and legs.

~

“Girl Scouts?” repeated Vance, he raised an eyebrow and looked at the screen.

“I believe that is what they are called,” said Jake Waffles. He toggled a lever and four short girl scout looking individuals came into focus. They all wore the correct uniforms and were carrying bags.

“Looks suspicious.” Kaine was watching from the ceiling, upside down. “Just another cult trying to fatten up the general population for some sicko reason.”

"Or a venerable institution could be trying to give young girls a chance to learn how to run a small business," said Selah, smacking him in the head.

“Do you think they have Thin Mints?” asked Robbie, salivating over the view screen. “I really like Thin Mints.”

The buzzer to the front door at the base of the mountain had not stopped buzzing for a few minutes. “I think the buzzer is broken,” said Mark.

Sam put his helmet on. “They can’t be normal. I carried one of those bags for my sister once; they weigh a ton.”

“Time to find out what they want,” said Robbie. He nodded at Jake, who opened the channel. “State your business: do you come bearing Thin Mints and other baked goods or are you here to kill us all?”

A robotic voice, not at all like a young girl, answered. “Thin Mints, yes. We have Thin Mints, many boxes of them. Can we enter?” Other robotic voices competed to speak in the background. “Kill them all!” was the most popular phrase being whispered.

“Sounds legit!” Robbie reached over to press the button that had a yellow note with ‘front door’ written on it. “I say we let them in. They have Thin Mints.”

“No,” said Faira, placing her spear across the control panel, smacking his hand away a little harder than she intended. “It does not sound legitimate at all, they do not sound like any young female surface dwellers I have had the misfortune of being within hearing distance of.”

Everyone looked everywhere but at Aracely.

“When do the Girl Scouts ever have any Thin Mints left over on an actual delivery?” added Selah.

Robbie made a soft whining sound that competed with the unending door buzzer for most annoying noise. Vance pressed a hand to his head, making a pained face. “Okay, Faira, Kaine, Aracely, go answer the door. If they actually do have Thin Mints, get a few boxes--”

“Yes! Wait, a few?” repeated Robbie, scoffing. “Try a few dozen.”

“It occurs to me that now might be a good time to mention the tiny robot cleaner uprising,” mused Jake. “They said that they would return, with cookies, to kill us all. The disguises are unexpected though.”

~

“So it’s been a good week,” said Vance, smiling. “We survived an attack by AIM, an unplanned software installation.” He looked at Sam sternly. “That won’t happen again right?”

Sam shook his head.

Vance continued. “Excellent. The consequent upgrade to control the software installation seems to be working out except for the sub-basement shower room; everyone should steer clear of that entire floor for the foreseeable future as the ‘effect’ appears to be spreading. Sam, we appreciate you uploading the patch from Beast straight to your helmet, and then downloading it into the mountain’s servers in the five minutes that we all almost died again. We also successfully installed Galaga; don’t play it on the main screen.”

“But--” said Sam, dismayed.

“Zip it!” said Vance, frowning at the youngest member of the team. “Then there was the giant cetacean with a chip on his shoulder--” He paused to look at Faira and Aracely. “That won’t happen again right?”

Faira made a noise. “I still do not believe I summoned the beast.”

Aracely patted the girl’s shoulder. “He was just sad and lonely, he told me he felt a lot better after beating us up.”

“I can relate, beating up super types always makes me feel better,” said Kaine with a smirk.

Vance ignored Kaine. “Nobody likes being beaten up by whales, but good to know, Aracely. Finally, there was the tiny robot cleaner uprising that thoughtfully brought us cookies.”

“They have agreed to our terms of surrender,” added Jake. “Nine to five daily during the week, every second weekend off. Time and a half plus benefits for cleaning up after certain people.”

Robbie looked up, mouth rimmed with chocolate. “Um, we’re out of Thin Mints again,” he mumbled through a mouthful of cookie crumbs.


End file.
